Health Is Hell

The title says it all. I’m returning from my hiatus to present what is perhaps the world’s #1 most taboo topic: RACE. I’ve done a ton of research over the past two weeks, and am stoked to present 90 nonjudgmental, mostly fact-based, straight-to-the-point minutes of information about what’s going on in the world right now. We’ll cover: 

(12:42) WHITE PRIVILEGE vs RACISM, including 

(15:04) why Jews cannot keep comparing themselves to black people and 

(24:08) All Lives Matter is inaccurate; 

(30:11) the definition of ALLYSHIP vs SOLIDARITY, including 

(37:26) how to confront a racist friend or family member; 

(47:03) CULTURAL APPROPRIATION, including

(58:52) why certain hairstyles are ‘forbidden’; 

(1:04:25) DEFUND THE POLICE, including 

(1:17:05) who in government is responsible for making change and

(1:18:56) understanding the purpose of RIOTS and VIOLENCE, as well as;

(1:23:54) SENSATIONALISM;

(1:26:36) analyzing data, and the faults of mainstream news;

(1:33:10) and why Joe Biden might be problematic but is still, undoubtedly, the right choice.

Questions? Complaints? Fact checking? Email me at healthishell@gmail.com or follow me at www.instagram.com/healthishell & twitter.com/aliweissworld / This episode is sponsored by Lelo, the world’s most luxurious sex toy company. In trying times, self-care is so incredibly important: take some time for yourself at lelo.to/ALI.

I wasn't planning on going solo this week, but there's an overload of truly insane quarantine-induced internet drama that simply NEEDED to be addressed and shut down. (5:11) We start with the Lana Del Rey controversy, which leads me to talk about the hypocrisy of modern feminism, my own experience with emotionally abusive relationships, and how the popularization of hip-hop has led to widespread but accidental cultural appropriation. (22:10) Then, we get into the Barstool vs. Call Her Daddy beef, which leads to a bigger discussion (39:12) about online bullying, the problems with the instant-fame reality TV cycle and cancel culture. (47:17) And finally, we top it all off with YOUR Quarantine Confessions about masturbation.

This episode is sponsored by Lelo - hands down, the best and most luxurious sex toy company on the planet. I severely STAN! Check out their tips for self-pleasure while staying the fuck home: https://lelo.to/ALI  

Another week of scorching the tops of our mouths with even HOTTER tea about what it's like to grow up and throw down in the wealthiest, most exclusive private schools around the world!

(7:58) I kick things off with some fanmail, including a request for me to become someone's pimp and a 24 year old catching feelings for a man THREE TIMES her age; (18:35) then, a "shit"-ty pre-Quarantine Confession from one of the funniest dudes I know.

Our rich teen stories come from: (22:07) a sexual scandal-riddled boarding school, druggy day school filled with the 'country's most eligible people', first-ever all girls school, and an American at an international school, all in London; (34:24) my friends @therebeccaknox and Ariel, who spent a rowdy year at an international school in Switzerland (and then continued in New York); (1:08:22) and another friend whose diplomat parents led her to spend 4 years going wild at an international school in KENYA! (Not Europe, but who cares.)

Throughout quarantine I've developed an unhealthy obsession with Netflix's 'European rich kid' programming (Elite, Baby, etc.) - designer clothes & uninvolved parents & threesomes, oh my! - but I kept wondering how much was accurate. So, I put out a call on IG for European private school students to come talk about the taboo subject of MONEY and compare and contrast their experiences growing up privileged.

(4:27) After sharing a bit about my downtown Manhattan background, we hear submissions from girls who went to British boarding schools (22:23), including a notorious international one in central London; a school in Sapporo, Japan (31:40) (not Europe, but I couldn't say no to that viewpoint!); Oslo, Norway (37:27); Madrid, Spain (40:50); Como, Italy (47:33); and Bosnia (50:29). Lastly (53:56) my friend Leon - who came to New York from the France/Switzerland border in 8th grade - gives us a lesson about the French education system and differences between his social scenes across the ocean. // Leave your Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781 // Follow Ali at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld

This week I fly SOLO to spark some joy with stories of my bizarre glow-up, obsession with Netflix's horny European teen dramas, and case for staying the absolute, literal hell away from social media right now. Then, we dive balls-deep into my unexpected quarantine sobriety journey and why it's bettered my life tenfold (while making me morbidly insecure that I've lost my signature edge), as well as YOUR Instagram-submitted anecdotes about recent substance abuse (or avoidance). The Quarantine Confessions hotline also explodes with poppers, condom-coated hammers, and more info about last week's army base orgies. I LOVE MY DEGENERATE ANGELS! // Leave your Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781 // Follow Ali at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld

Drug dealers are undoubtedly 'essential workers', and this week I had the privilege of speaking to 3 from New Zealand (20:43), Australia (31:35), and New York (37:05) about how both business and the concept of escapism have changed all over the world in the face of COVID. I also judge the first round of YOUR insane, sexually charged Quarantine Confessions, and recount the 'cookie scandal' that rocked my family. // Leave a Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781 // FOLLOW ALI at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld

I was meant to meet comedian Grace Campbell (@disgracecampbell) when I was living in London, but was too depressed to make our date; luckily, she was too hungover to make it either. CLEARLY we were meant to be friends, and decided to hang out for the first time over Zoom.

Join us as we chat about, yes, Quarantine and COVID, but also her famous political family, filthily sexual one-woman show, and our mutual masturbatory fantasies about Instagram verification...plus being hot to disguise dementia and fears about aging as it relates to creativity. You know - the usual. // FOLLOW ALI at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld // Leave a Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781

Sick of seeing endless photos of so-called "happy" couples snuggling and kissing their way through COVID? Ali too, so this week she plays the devil's advocate and talks to people whose relationships are a little more VOLATILE. Emma (11:20) is quarantining with her soon-to-be ex husband in Seattle as they begin to divorce. "Runaway Bride" (25:37) left her boyfriend (and his parents) and moved across Canada to shack up with her side piece! "Bored Girlfriend" (31:36) down in Florida took a girl's trip before quarantine and realized she REALLY doesn't like her decade-long boyfriend anymore. "Babe In Brooklyn" (43:31) and her fiancee of five years decided to divorce before quarantine, but still have to live together - and play in a band!! And lastly, my friend Sarah and her BRAND new (and formerly long distance!) boyfriend Phillip (46:47) are living with Sarah's lovely but intense parents in Nashville...who still don't know about his tattoos. // FOLLOW ALI at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld // Leave a Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781

IS LONELINESS LUCRATIVE? Ali talks to more sex workers about how their lifestyles and businesses have transformed thanks to COVID. Kika (@eeefly) & Palmar (@junebennet_) are evolving from strippers to lesbian porn stars while quarantined in Las Vegas; independent escort Jocelyn Mae (@jocelynmae.nyc) has forgone skin-to-skin contact with clients in favor of erotic moments with supermarket cashiers; London agency escort Nancy (@blake_it_off) wonders how to make money online without a social media presence; and New York stripper Sydney (@sydneybenjamin) is hoping OnlyFans success will keep her out of the club forever. // Are YOU a sex worker with a story? Let Ali know at healthishell@gmail.com // FOLLOW ALI at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld // Leave a Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781

"DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS ON BEING A GOOD CYBERSEXER?" "UH...SPELL CHECK?"

Is loneliness lucrative? Ali talks to sex workers about how their lifestyles and businesses have transformed thanks to COVID. Ultra high-end New York escort Vivienne Cole (@viviennecolenyc, 13:12) is receiving care packages from clients while debating whether or not to offer a "digital experience; Arizona full-service sex worker Rachel (26:53) is making tons of cash on Facetime and OnlyFans; and social distancing has brought an anonymous London sugar baby (32:49) and her sugar daddy closer...at least for now. // FOLLOW ALI at www.instagram.com/healthishell & www.twitter.com/aliweissworld // Leave a Quarantine Confession voicemail at 646 389 1781

Welcome to Part I of COVID Comedy, the Coronavirus subdivision of Health Is Hell. For the next few weeks, we'll be airing out and celebrating the ways all of our lives have changed for the worse in quarantine!

To kick off the series, I'm flying SOLO to talk about accidentally growing a FUPA while wearing sweatpants for 5 days straight, shaving my knuckles, the pervertedness of dancing along with Charli D'Amelio on TikTok, and contemplating having my mother wax my butthole. Then, I dive into the HORROR STORIES you submitted about your personal hygiene and horny tendencies while in isolation. We're all in this together!

Reporting live from quarantine, here's 30 minutes of my opinions about how to handle a global health crisis...which you should take, because I failed 3 out of 4 years of high school science and obviously know what I'm talking about.

Cry, scream, worry, complain, or assassinate my character at www.instagram.com/healthishell or www.twitter.com/aliweissworld

WHO: Ian Fidance (@ianimal) is a riotously funny comedian, regularly doing sets at the world-famous Comedy Cellar and Gotham Comedy Club. He also used to be a riotous alcoholic.

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT: GETTING. FUCKED. UP. Ian and I got into the grit of his addiction journey in Season 1; this time we laugh about the (literal) highs and subsequent very low lows that come with both casual and addictive substance abuse. From getting motorboated by random bartenders to hallucinations to prostitutes, we reveal some of our craziest "war stories" before reading and analyzing the wild ones that YOU submitted!

LESSON LEARNED: Immense pleasure can always be found in pain; the same can be said for pain in pleasure. We all have vices, but sometimes a vice can become a full-blown lifestyle without us even realizing it. It's important to be aware of the line - and ask for help if you need it.

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell. Subscribe, share, and write reviews so I don't send your ass to the psych ward! Portrait by Mary-Kate Schneider at Bonobo Studios. Logo Defne Kaynak. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

"I take 10mg of Lexapro a day...actually, I think it's just a Skittle."

WHO: No one on the internet can figure out if comedian/impressionist Benito Skinner (@bennydrama7) and I are ex lovers, current lovers, co-parents, siblings, or just inappropriately codependent friends, and that’s exactly how we like it. Benny was the first-ever guest on Health Is Hell and returned once again to cause some trouble (while I rubbed him down with oil).

WHAT WE TALK ABOUT: our weird creative habits (like only writing shows while on planes), how he’s maintained friendships while getting famous (and the history of our own special bond), and the grueling days of shooting Gossip Girl parodies. We also, as per your request, read Daily Mail headlines in our sexiest voices.

LESSON LEARNED: Just say NO to surrounding yourself with “yes men.” Staying grounded is the key to soaring success.

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell. Subscribe, share, and write reviews so I don't send your ass to the psych ward! Portrait by Mary-Kate Schneider/Bonobo Studios. Logo by Defne Kaynak. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Me. Myself. And I. Alone. Talking to myself.

WHAT I DISCUSS: THE SCORCHING HOT TEA. For the final episode of Season 2, I'm throwing my balls to the wall and expressing every single one of my opinions about the current state of Influencer Culture! We'll talk about my career journey (how I went from from theatre school to crying over analytics) and many subsequent breakdowns, how exactly we've ALL become brainwashed walking billboards (the artificial supply-and-demand created by the algorithm), shady sh*t your favorite influencers do to get ahead, the death of pure creativity, and why I'm giving the finger to all of it in 2020.

LESSON LEARNED: never, ever let anyone else tell you how to live your life - the answers you seek are already inside you. Trust your instincts. Always question authority. And finally, F*CK influencer culture.

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid traumatic dating experiences of your own! Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Pia Baroncini (@piabaroncini), founder of the Revolve-owned clothing line LPA.

WHAT WE DISCUSS: While Pia's career as a designer isn't particularly "taboo," the vulnerable way she presents herself as a woman of the world online (hilarious, hard-drinking, hard-working, deeply emotional, honest, and flawed) is. We sat on the floor of her bedroom with her horny dog Ciro and talked about everything from being "larger than life," single in New York vs. Los Angeles, and a needy independent to the importance of massive life changes and how curvier girls ALWAYS pull more dudes. A conversation about everything and nothing...just the way I like it.

LESSON LEARNED: Literally, too many to list. This was a bucket list conversation for me with a woman I feel eerily similar to. GO LISTEN.

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid traumatic dating experiences of your own! Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Mary Beth Barone (@marybethbarone), stand-up comedian.

WHAT WE DISCUSS: MB’s late start to comedy & her reputation as a “dark angel,” the often-unspoken pain of privilege, bisexuality, and Hinge dates from Hell.

LESSON LEARNED: Marching to the beat of your own drum can actually still be frowned upon in creative industries and liberal locations. But, the payoff is immense if you do it. 

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid traumatic dating experiences of your own! Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Paige Elkington (@myfriendpaige), Instagram comedian and self-professed "Millennial Slasher" - her other jobs include model, writer, podcaster, musician, designer, and activist...

WHAT WE DISCUSS: all things pertaining to the (very) dark side of Instagram, surviving as a a multi-dimensional person in the age of "branding," her iconic viral internet scandals, and the truth about f***ing your way to the top.

LESSON LEARNED: How you see the world is more important than how the world sees you - and seeing yourself is more important than defining yourself. 

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid experiencing Millennial burnout! Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Matt & Michelle, shock jock vegans and authors of the notorious Thug Kitchen food blog and cookbooks.

WHAT WE DISCUSS: Hilarious, profanity-filled Thug Kitchen has hundreds of thousands of fans (including Gwyneth Paltrow, who put it in the spotlight) and consistently remains on the New York Times and Amazon bestseller lists. But, living loud comes with a price - Matt & Michelle were once very publicly accused of cultural appropriation, and continue to be dismissed by narrow-minded media companies & publishing houses who sometimes go on to steal their ideas. We talk all about how to handle scandal, maintain your personal and creative integrity when it feels like the whole world is against you, America's aversion to vulgar language vs. acceptance of vulgar sexuality, and why the vegan community has such a bad reputation.

LESSON LEARNED: feeling comfortable as an outsider is a lifelong process...even when you become successful because of it.

This episode was sponsored by Queen V. See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid a public scandal of your own! Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Molly Peckler, the world's first "cannabis matchmaker" with a dating service called Highly Devoted (@highlydevoted).

WHAT WE DISCUSS: everything you could EVER want to know about modern relationships, and all the ways weed can help facilitate the mental, emotional, and sexual connection needed to create them. Then, Molly turns the tables and grills me HARD in a mock "new client interview."

LESSON LEARNED: You can't show up for someone else if you don't know yourself. And the truth of knowing yourself is sometimes cold and hard, but it really does set you free...

This episode was sponsored by Lola (get 30% off your first order with HEALTHISHELL30) & Queen V. See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid bad sex for the rest of your life.

Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Jason Moody (twitter: @jasonmoodyxxx), a porn star performing for companies like Hustler and Evil Angel

WHAT WE DISCUSS: being bad Jews, defying your family's wishes to pursue your dream life, what it's REALLY like to have sex on a film set, and why women have all the power in porn. We also flirt. A lot.

LESSON LEARNED: Adult entertainment requires just as much personal and professional hustle as any other industry, and its stars have work/life boundaries, too.

This episode was sponsored by Queen V. See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Subscribe, share, and write reviews to avoid bad sex for the rest of your life.

Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Jonah Reider (@jonahreider), the former infamous "Dorm Room Chef" and current founder of Pith Supper Club

WHAT WE DISCUSS: our mutual addiction to strangers and how it shapes our work, rejecting routine (but obsessing over organization), and questionable coping mechanisms, including weed. We also do ASMR with a loaf of bread.

LESSON LEARNED: Breaking rules and norms is the only way to have an exceptional life. 

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Remember to subscribe, share, and shower me in praise for good health.

Photo by Alina Beebe / Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider / Theme song by Adam Morina / Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio

WHO: Signe Pierce (@signepierce), a brilliant, boundary-pushing contemporary artist with a notoriously sexy neon aesthetic and conceptual focus on identity in the technological age.

WHAT WE DISCUSS: living in the Matrix, the perks of being "lowbrow," developing & maintaining personal identity, and how to use overt sexuality to communicate intellect (if you want).

LESSON LEARNED: 'Reality' is rarely what it seems - so create your own.

(Lola & Care/Of discount code: HEALTHISHELL)

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Remember to subscribe, share, and shower me in praise for good health.

Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

WHO: Sydney and Kika, sharp, witty strippers working at 2 of the best clubs in New York City. 

WHAT WE DISCUSS: misconceptions about "selling your body," putting a price on yourself as a woman in the world, and what really goes down in the private rooms. 

LESSON LEARNED: sex work is a powerful way to - sometimes literally - fuck the patriarchy.

See more on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at @healthishell, or www.healthishell.com. Remember to subscribe, share, and shower me in praise for good health.

Headshot by Alina Beebe. Logo by Mary-Kate Schneider. Theme song by Adam Morina. Produced by Raul Hernandez at Gotham Podcast Studio.

Standup comedian Ian Fidance (seen and heard on Comedy Central, Sirius XM, and at the world-famous Comedy Cellar) joins me to swap hilarious, honest horror stories about booze, and our paths to getting ahold of our drinking...and ourselves.

(33:33) Then, my straight male best friend Graham shares WAY too much information about his experience with Horny Goat Weed, which gets us talking about differences in the sexual tendencies of men and women.

Subscribe, review, and SHARE if you don't want to end up like us.
Instagram and Twitter: @healthishell
www.healthishell.com
healthishellhotline@gmail.com

My friend Ryan Darling is an upper-middle class nice Jewish boy from NorCal working in tech, who became a ~national hero~ when he (proudly!) dated a sex worker. We talk about the expectation vs. reality of building a life with a stripper, why strippers are awesome, and yes, what sex is like with a "professional."

(29:42) Then, my straight male best friend Graham and I shoot the shit about his foray into threesome apps, and the differences in threesome mentality between men and women.

Subscribe, review, and share if you want to avoid the psych ward; email details of your own messy life to healthishellhotline@gmail.com.
Instagram + Twitter: @healthishell
www.healthishell.com

Theme song by Chris Stath, logo by SmurfoUDirty <3

Instagram sensation - and my platonic husband - Benito Skinner aka @bennydrama7 helps me answer your life & love questions as his most-beloved character, Benita; he takes off his wig (16:12) for a chat about that special connection between gays and girls.

Then, my straight male best friend Graham and I reminisce about meeting on Tinder, and the differences between the male & female approach to dating apps. (20:11)

If you stan for either of us (or even barely tolerate), please subscribe, review, and share!
Instagram + Twitter: @healthishell
healthishellhotline@gmail.com
www.healthishell.com

Theme song by Chris Stath, logo by SmurfoUDirty <3