The Jane and Bea Show
Honest insights into the why, what and how of raising children without your own baggage tripping you up. Jane and Bea share their personal and professional learning, experiences, and practical solutions. Tune in for a good dose of humour, tea and reality!
We are thrilled to be releasing episode 7 of our podcast. Jane shares the benefits of slowing down while also keeping a few challenges on the go. We reflect on the difference between intentional self care compared to letting it drift to the wayside. And, before we get into the meat of this episode, find out about Quantum Energy Coaching and the energetic practice of Emotional Freedom Technique and how they can dramatically change your life.
We get you in the mood with talk of one-night stands, warm welcomes, fabulous words (and Bea’s over-use of them), plus our discovery that our podcast is connecting not only with parents but also many of you who don’t have children.
We move on to explore how consent can become more complex as children become teenagers. It maybe they find themselves trying to navigate more intimate situations and relationships. So how can we support them?
Ticked us off or ticked our box
Smacking is STILL on the agenda in England as little progress has been made to saying a firm ‘no’ to it being OK to carry on smacking children.
We both found ourselves on Radio interviews where the presenters shared times they had been smacked and felt it had done them no harm.
Episode 4 explores the topic of consent and looks at when we need to start introducing this to our children. Plus Jane shares some big news about her 27 year old baby and why she almost emigrated!
- Society generally thinks of consent in relation to sex. We look at the bigger picture to see what consent really relates to.
- We unpack some of the myths and erroneous beliefs around consent and share why it's so important to rethink consent within raising children.
- Finally, we share practical tips to support you as you find alternative ways to raise children without breaking your connection.
Episode 3 explores what the use of isolation does to children’s mental health and building trusting child-adult relationships (Introducing Coco the magical barking dog)
- Despair over the use of isolation booths in some schools. Leads us to look at how isolation is so embedded in what is ‘done to’ children in the name of teaching them how to behave.
- We turn our attention to how it has become quite normal to separate children from us just at a moment when they are really struggling and distressed. And the very real benefits of doing the opposite!
- Finally, we share practical tips to support you as you find alternative ways to raise children without breaking your connection.
The episode in more detail.
Ticked my box or ticked me off:
- The use of ‘consequence rooms’ in schools where children sit in booths in stillness and silence
- The emotional and physical impact of also making toilet breaks restricted and timed
4:29 – The male brain is not fully developed until nearly 30 and the female brain, mid to late 20’s so we often ask far too much of children and young people.
4:48 – Isolation does not offer opportunities to understand they ‘why’ behind behaviour. What’s going on for them?
9:28 – Delegates at the National Education Union Conference voted unanimously to oppose the move towards ever more punitive behaviour policies in schools saying it is feeding a mental health crisis for children. – YAY!!
10:07– This week’s topic: The real benefits of moving from isolation to connection
11:20 – The use of the ‘calm down step’ seems a good idea but children still feel a sense of shame.
13:36 – Using ‘time-in’ to help children feel safe to learn. Time together to reconnect, feel safe and learn with you.
14:43 – What is isolation? Removing a child from one environment and putting them in another space on their own. E.g. the bottom step or their bedroom.
15:46 – Quick-fix parenting, make it stop!
16:53– Any intentional disconnection, “don’t look at me, I don’t want you to come near me or speak to me” is isolation.
18:11 – Nature wires humans, especially children to be in emotional and physical connection with adults around them. Losing it is scary for them.
19.00 – It’s employing fear to get children to do what we want.
20.54 – If we raise children on a bed of fear then that is what they then know as their framework of reference for the rest of their lives.
22.16 – What we set children up for…Trying to always get things right which creates anxiety in all areas of their lives.
28:27 – How unresolved trauma in the parent can be triggered by a child’s behaviour and react from that place of trauma.
35:15 – Practical take-aways
- Lie down on the floor and BREATHE!
- I know you must be feeling some really big feelings, I am here for you
- Are you OK?
- Have a grounding and connecting phrase to repeat in your head.
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Here we go with Episode 2 in which we talk neurodiversity, bribery, incentives and rewards; and, of course, tea.
- Bea reflects on how amazing it is when other adults are able to adapt and respond to our child's specific needs.
- Together, we discuss and explore the common parenting tools of bribery, incentives and rewards, inspired by Jane's live debate on ITV's This Morning show.
- Finally we share practical tips to support you as you find alternative ways to raise children without breaking your connection.
The episode in more detail.
Ticked my box or ticked me off:
- Autism awareness
- Advocating for our children
4:20 - Defining what we mean when we talk about neuro-diversity and neuro-typical brains.
7:31 - Jane's powerful example of how our advocacy might actually go against our child's preferences.
8:36 - Parenting the child in front of you.
9:24 - This week's topic: Bribery, incentives and rewards.
- Watch Jane discuss this topic on live TV - CLICK HERE.
15:25 - The impact of using bribery, incentives and rewards.
19:42 - Connection, belonging and acceptance are the natural rewards in good relationships.
21:04 - Jane defines connection and shares a simple yet brilliant visual example to explain what she means.
27:44 Why short-term parenting wins don't work.
31:30 - Trust yourself and trust your child.
33:17 - Practical take-aways
- Prepare the canvas
- "What do you need from me?"
- The importance of apology.
- Gratitude and celebration.
Welcome to our first ever podcast!
We are so glad you found us and that you’re here. We are starting from a place of podcasting inexperience so we know that we will grow, develop and change episode by episode. That’s part of the fun.
In this episode, meet us (Jane and Bea) and learn how we first made contact. We are still very much getting to know each other and we hope we’ll get to know you too. Get in touch with questions, comments and suggestions here.
Our episodes come in three parts:
- Ticked your box or ticked you off
- The main topic
- Practical take-aways so you can make changes immediately if you want to.
In this episode
- We explore the importance of knowing how best to respond to a child who is self-harming. In response to a video, released by a National charity, we share our trauma-informed opinions and recommendations. We have listed links below for you to easily access the resources we mention.
- We open up a discussion about trauma, starting with the question, “What is Trauma?”. Understanding how trauma relates to us, our children and the dynamic between us is essential to raising children, whether in a family or professional environment.
- There are four tips for you in this episode to get you started with making your own changes.
It was wonderful for us to learn from each other as we recorded this episode and we hope you enjoy learning from us too.
LINKS:
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See you in episode 2!