The Grad Student Coach

Dealing with problem people is a form of what I call headwind - an issue that arises outside of you that can act to slow you down. But it can also inspire a particular flavor of drag - an issue that arise from within that can slow you down even further. The Change Your Truth technique is a tool to counter that added drag.

Part 2 in a three part series in how to deal with problem people. In this episode we focus on the technique that can sometimes work, but is more a roll of the dice in whether it will cause more problems that it solves. We talk through the nuances of this, and offer some knobs that can be turned to reduce the stakes of the gamble.

How does one deal with a collaborator that doesn't follow through, or treats you in a disrespectful way? In this episode I cover a technique that strives to improve not only the situation, but the relationship as well.

One of any person's responsibilities is self-care. As important as brushing one's teeth and getting enough sleep is managing one's thoughts so that they are self-empowering rather than self-impeding. When setbacks happen there is an opportunity for choice that many people do not see. In this episode we shine the spotlight on that opportunity to learn the powerful technique of reframing.

Procrastinators resist diving into challenging problems, and slow their progress by simply not getting the work done. The opposite problem can happen as well - doing a tremendous amount of work, but being so focused on the details that we lose track of the big picture. We can wind up doing the wrong work, or wasting time on unimportant details. We miss opportunities for key course adjustments that are only informed by asking big picture questions. Visiting with the big picture as a daily ritual can mean all the difference in your productivity.

Relationships are a key to happiness and satisfaction in life. The pandemic makes having certain relationships more challenging. In this episode, we pull in some of the concepts we're covered to understand some hidden forces that help relationships fall apart. It turns out the same forces play out at society scale, and can help explain the insane polarization we experience today in our politics. I bring you - The Dance Of Demonization.

Communication can break down in a lot of different ways. We pick a nice, juicy metaphor to map out this landscape. This helps us understand which specific skills might need work. Plus, I ask you to endure one more neuroscience poem, but scapegoat my friend, Troy, for this self-indulgence.

Confidence - with the right amount of confidence, you can start any conversation, ask any question, advocate for yourself - all things that are important in the grad student journey. If you lack confidence, these actions are more difficult. Is it possible to become more confident just by changing your thinking? Plus, Jed faces more challenges to his core beliefs!

Blunt interpersonal styles affect collaborations differently. It can undermine a collaboration or shut it down completely. Sometimes, it works just fine. If the collaboration is suffering because of it, what are the conversations that can regain collaborative footing? Certain environments require bluntness - how do they make it work?

When an advisor is thinking abstractly and a student is in charge of implementation, a particular type of under-communication can happen that can cause headwind in the form of wasted effort and lost time. We shine some sunlight on this and point the way to a solution. Also, we have the second installment of the Expectation Dashboard "Question of the Week"

In this episode, I skip around a bit with shorter segments. I talk through the experience of having my model challenged by new information and how I worked through that. I begin a new feature: the Expectation Dashboard "question of the week". Finally I talk through in detail what my Patreon site is all about, and what your support there will enable me to do.

We can get trapped in dis-empowering thought patterns that magnify fear about something in the future or anger about something in the past, and this can cause significant drag - having consequences for both our collaborations and our future. In this episode, I talk through the mechanics of these thought loops and the emotions around them, and offer a way out.

Some people have had the experience of freezing-up when speaking to a group in a meeting or giving a talk to a larger audience. I'm one of those people, and have developed a technique to help myself recover in that moment so that I can find my way back into the story I was telling.

We finish up our three part series focused on confrontation over ideas by expanding the notion of emotive distortion to the "distortion field". We go through more examples, take a tour of the many implications, even address some skepticisms that may arise. As the title suggests, we get into some interesting territory.

Last week we looked at why we resist others' ideas. This week we look at others' resistance to what we say. How we express an idea - the shape of that story - can sometimes inspire resistance to it or even lead the other person to misunderstand it. How can we ensure that what is interpreted by the listener is what we are intending to convey? How can we structure what we say in a way that keeps the listener's mind open? We introduce the "The No-Person Point of View" - a technique that honors the constraints of our brain wiring to accomplish both goals.

We begin a series on confrontation/conflict by first focusing on how to work through difference over ideas. This episode begins that journey by looking into the causes, both conscious and subconscious, that lead us to resisting the ideas of others.

This episode we focus on distractions - the things that come up that interrupt our train of thought, and undermine our productivity. As a case study I talk through how I was able to help a student who had become stuck, unable to progress in her final year of PhD work, primarily because she felt compelled to immediately answer every text that came in from her circle of friends. She was suffering from headwind (her progress was being slowed by a an external circumstance) and drag (she was reluctant to speak to her friends about it). It was time for some re-framings.

Our sense of self arises from the stories about ourselves that our brain has written and reinforced over time. When faced with a challenge, the feelings and thoughts that "come to mind" first in a given situation belong to the story with the strongest emotions attached. Some of these stories are negative and judgmental, and can become blown out of proportion, trapping in a landscape of dis-empowerment. Anchor Management can set us free.

The pandemic has made us more isolated than ever, and has many of us working across video connections rather than in person. How can we get back that deeper sense of connection we have when we are in each others' presence?

Procrastination - postponing work you need to do and doing something more fun or less daunting instead. This is a problem afflicting many. In this "how-to-improve-your-work-cycle" episode, I share a proven technique that not only addresses this, but can also strengthen other aspects of your working relationship with your advisor.

Any communication that is not face-to-face suffers some degree of Degraded Presence - the blocking of the feeling signals that we rely on for sense-making. This magnifies the likelihood and severity of headwind caused by the Feelings Frame, Fantasy Fit process outlined in Part 2..

This second of a three part series focuses on two maneuvers that our human brains are wired to perform that can lead us into a distorted sense of reality, pulling us off-page from one another.

We begin a three part deep dive into how and why two collaborators can get off-page from each other and wind up occupying different realities.

Here we explore the potent productivity tonic known as "expectation management", and introduce a tool called the Expectation Dashboard. The dashboard is a tool you can leverage to help you and your advisor stay on the same page, reduce the anxiety brought about by unknowns, and generally reduce the grinding of the gears in that collaboration journey.

In this episode, we introduce a way of thinking about the relationship between the student and advisor that can provide a framework for discussions about how the student can get the most from their advisor, given time constraints.

This episode teaches a powerful technique for the grad student to improve their collaborative footing with their advisor, yet applies to any collaboration in general.

This episode gives an overview of what the podcast is about and what listeners can expect to take away from it.