The Hard Drive Podcast
Video game comedy website Hard Drive deserves a podcast. Two of its co-creators, Jeremy Kaplowitz and Mark Roebuck, are fulfilling that need.
Mark and Jeremy sit down to write an outline for a dark, gritty reboot of Captain N: The Game Master. 30 years after leaving his childhood bedroom to enter Video Land, a depressed 46-year-old Kevin Keene still lives there.
Mark and Jeremy play SKI SNIPER, a game where you just murder skiers in cold blood from afar with a sniper rifle. The game has absolutely no lore, so the boys are quick to fill in the blanks, discovering that the sniper is upset about all these skiers fucking his wife. By the end of the episode... well, let's just say this sniper's wife isn't gonna be so satisfied.
Mark an d Jeremy discuss an episode of The Adventures of Super Mario Bros 3 in which Princess Toadstool challenges King Koopa to a presidential election! Koopa has to cheat using a nice guy potion, we meet Koopa's son Kooky von Koopa, and Mark and Jeremy break down the trailer for direct-to-dvd film Mafia Doctor.
Mark and Jeremy watch and chat over an incredibly formative movie for both of them: 1. Oh sorry, I mean Wayne's World. Mark and Jeremy are so in tune with the Wayne's World series they just call it "1" and "2". They have a lot of (smart) opinions and fun facts they've picked up from years of rewatching this fun little romp.
Mark and Jeremy check out the 1983 arcade-based cartoon TV show, Saturday Supercade! A weird southern Mario is trying to get Donkey Kong, who mostly just says his name really slowly like a Pokemon on tranquilizers. Meanwhile, some southern belle wants to fuck Donkey Kong and there's some emerald everyone's trying to steal like it's a fuckin Sonic game.
Mark and Jeremy write an entire episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show from scratch! Mario and the gang heads to the futuristic and rainy city of BLADE PLUMBER. Is Toad secretly a robot? Will Dr. Eldon Reptyrell take over the world? And who is the mysterious Dick Record?? Read along with the script here: thehardtimes.net/harddrive/blade-plumber/
Mark and Jeremy watch some advertisements from the 80s and 90s for weird Mario-related shit and also go on a really long tangent about an insane video game in which you snipe ski jumpers called Ski Sniper.
Mark and Jeremy are joined by Mr. Boop himself, Alec Robbins! Alec and Mark go way back and spend some time catching up before Alec leads the boys on a crash course through the wacky world of Archie Comics’ Sonic the Hedgehog books as well some of the more notable characters involved. Somewhere near the end of the show, everyone remembers why they got together, and an incredibly horny episode of the Mario 3 cartoon is discussed.
Mark and Jeremy are joined by Jeremy’s other co-host Kris Casey as they promote the launch of their new oddity based podcast, Deep Dive in the Shallow End. Today’s crossover episode focuses on Polybius, the alleged government developed game that proved addictive and MAYBE a one-way ticket to a tour of duty in an intergalactic war if you were good enough at it. Along the way, the boys stumble upon an even more riveting urban legend, about a boy who had one too many cokes and shit his pants playing Asteroids. Check out Deep Dive in the Shallow End every Saturday! deepdiveshallowend.libsyn.com
Today’s episode finds Mark and Jeremy tackling several miscellaneous bits of business, including some much awaited clips from a infamously awkward podcast appearance the boys made, the recent discovery of an archive of Canadian reviews, and Jeremy’s recent controversial sit down interview with silver screen legend Harrison Ford.
Mark and Jeremy bring in the new year with a loose silly episode imagining what the Nintendo World theme park would be like if it was about was 1989's The Super Mario Bros Super Show. Straightforward episode this week! Just fun goofs about our friends Mario, Luigi, Princess, Toad, Koopa, and their daddy Shigeru Miyamoto.
It's time for Twitch Plays Hard Drive! With the very friendly help of our chat, we wrote a whole new Hard Drive article from start to finish and it's funny as hell.
Mark and Jeremy watch a new episode of The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3! It’s this whole bullshit about a mummy thinking Mario is its baby or something. It makes no sense and the boys love it, especially this non-Lou Albano version of Mario that is the character at his absolute oldest and grumpiest. Toad kills it too. Love that fucker.
In an effort to streamline the writing of new Mario and Zelda cartoons, Mark and Jeremy enlist the help of AI Dungeon to help them author some new adventures. There are highs and lows, to say the least. Highs — Mark and Jeremy get all the characters in Mario and Zelda to smooch. Lows — uh, you’re gonna just have to listen. I don’t want to say it here. This was a lot of fun and there’s no way we ever do it again.
Mark and Jeremy get together for a shorter than usual episode to discuss thanksgiving, parades, the free Cameo service they offer, and several oddly specific podcasts, both real and fake.
Mark and Jeremy write and perform an original episode of 1989's The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! that parodies the 2004 Mel Gibson film The Passion of the Christ - a movie that neither of them ever cares to actually see. They write the entire episode live on the podcast with no ideas beforehand! Head to ... if you want to read along with the script while listening.
It's a mailbag episode! Mark and Jeremy field questions from listeners, discuss how far is too far in satire, what their favorite Nicolas Cage movies are, do some Fuck/Marry/Kills, and a whole lot more.
Mark and Jeremy sit down to pen the great American screenplay... a live action segment of 1989's The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! in which Mario and Luigi meet a really bad parody of Mad Max! I can't imagine you're awfully surprised by this, but things get silly! There's a lot of terrible Australian lingo and Luigi finds himself once again covered in blood.
Andy Holt and Kevin Flynn join the podcast to help write a brand new Hard Drive article live on Twitch with the help of viewers! The resulting piece is, no surprise, very stupid and funny and filmed with goofy characters from out of left field. Finally, proof that Hard Drive articles are best written by committee!
Boo! It's officially October and that means it's officially Halloween. College Humor's Josh Ruben and Brendan H. Banks joined us to talk about their new comedy/horror movie, Scare Me, that went to Sundance and is now out on Shudder!
Holy podcasting, paisanos! Mark and Jeremy perform a live commentary of the 1966 Batman film, a movie that they both unironically love very much. Somehow, however, they managed to to record this episode right when YouTube shut down for a while, causing some confusion in the middle. Luckily, you don't really need to watch along with them if you don't want to — this episode is mostly just a fun discussion of why the '60s Batman just absolutely fuckin rules.
Hard Drive editors Mark and Jeremy write and perform an original episode of 1989's The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! in which Mario and his friends head to Hyrule Kingdom and run into Link and Zelda! The entirety of the script was written live on the podcast with no ideas beforehand and it gets incredibly silly. Head to thehardtimes.net/harddrive/a-sausage-link-to-the-past/ if you want to read along with the script while listening!
In the inaugural episode of The Hard Drive Podcast, Hard Drive editors Mark Roebuck, Jeremy Kaplowitz, Andy Holt, and Kevin Flynn discuss the ins and outs of being the most ethical video game website on the planet, getting doxxed at E3, and why a combination of Waluigi's penis and 9/11 inexplicably changed their website for the better.
On the season one finale of Captain N, it’s Mega Man's birthday so everybody gets him some junk they have lying around, except Dr. Wright, who makes Mega Man a whole girlfriend to have. It’s fucked up. Like enough already. Mark and Jeremy don’t want to watch this crap anymore, so tune in next week in this very same space for the first week of The Hard Drive Podcast (starring Mark and Jeremy). No joke, stick through to the end of the pod for some thoughts and details about what's to come!
In one of the show's most disturbing episodes to date, Mother Brain tricks Captain N and his team into thinking that they murdered her (and they celebrate it), Kevin holds a gun to Eggplant Wizard's head (who pleads for his life and shows a picture of his wife and two kids), Simon keeps hitting on Princess Lana (who keeps saying no), and Mark and Jeremy go on an extended riff about the times they've broken their keys.
Struggle Session's Leslie Lee III joins the podcast for this episode of Captain N that features exactly zero references to Freddy Kreuger. Mother Brain puts Princess Lana into a deep sleep by tricking her to eat a poison apple on account of her being too pretty, prompting Simon and Kevin to compete to see who can kiss her out of it first. We also get a glimpse into Kevin's worst nightmare when he is sent to the Nightmare Zone: being forced to reenter normal society after the horrifying video game war he has been forced to participate in.
Pat from Castle Super Beast joins the podcast to talk about how goddamn fucked up Captain N: The Game Master is! Simon Belmont shoots himself in the ass with a love arrow, accidentally forcing him to fall in love with Mother Brain. Meanwhile, Mega Man and Kid Icarus meet another deeply fucked up cow. But most importantly, the gang fights, for about 5 seconds, Mr. Bones — a cool 80s skeleton man wearing a skeleton shirt. Mr. Bones fuckin rules, you guys. You're gonna love Mr. Bones.
Is this the TOAD WARRIOR of Captain N???? Who cares because this episode is insane. Kevin's dog finds a magic lamp that has a dickhead genie willing to grant unlimited wishes to whoever holds it, which almost immediately leads to Eggplant Wizard kissing two sexy tomatoes, King Hippo conquering Kongoland with fascist gorillas, and a deeply depressed Kid Icarus who became Too Big. Oh yea, this episode is also probably an explanation from the writer as to why there's nothing wrong with having a tiny penis. Top tier Captain N episode.
Oh my god, it's time for the thrilling conclusion to last week's insane cliffhanger!!! Too bad Mark and Jeremy spend so much of this week's episode looking up facts about Pepsiman, making fun of the show's depiction of "Cutsman," and sassily editing the official Captain N wiki with "mistakes" in the show's logic. To the warp zone!
Gweetings, Paisanos! On this week’s Captain N, Mother Brain hatches a plan to make, rig, and win a fake video game olympics in Videoland so that she can steal some treasure or something. This episode features Mega Man learning how to throw a shot put, Donkey Kong and Eggplant Wizard forming a tag team, Dracula and Simon Belmont having a ski race, and it’s only part one of a cliffhanger! To the wadar woom!
Comedian, actor, and Ace Watkins body double PHIL JAMESSON joins the podcast to discuss this episode in which Kevin has to fight a robot version of his high school bully! We learn Simon Belmont's biggest fear (Dracula) and Kevin's dog's biggest fear (being chased by many cats). But most importantly, we are introduced to Wombatman, this show's parody of Batman who is a literal wombat and has sex with a human woman but SAYS EXPLICITLY that he does not love her.
Captain N heads to the Bayou to hang with Billy Bayou himself — or so we think, because the animators ran out of budget to finish filling in all of the backgrounds this episode. But who cares? Eggplant Wizard steals every goddamn scene in this episode. He turns King Hippo into a salad, and then a boat, and lastly, a fool. Eggplant Wizard ride or die gang.
WELCOME TO SEASON TWO OF THE PODCAST, PAISANOS! Mark and Jeremy embark on a quest to watch and discuss every episode of 1989's Captain N: The Game Master, a cartoon about a boy named Kevin who gets pulled into an NES with his dog. There, Kevin befriends Simon Belmont, Megaman, and Kid Icarus — none of which seem even remotely related to their video game counterparts. Meanwhile in the live action, nothing happens. This show's all cartoon, sewer simps!
The boys look back on all the highs and lows of the previous year and a half, and discuss highlights of the Super Mario Brothers Super Show. In addition to top 5 lists for favorite episode, guest star, and series MVP, Mark and Jeremy single out a few series highlights and other notable moments this glorious fever dream of a video game commercial has provided.
Mark and Jeremy watch and discuss the FINAL episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Fittingly, it's very racist. Mario and Luigi head back to the city of Sayonara seeking the help of a mythical ninja, voiced by a white guy doing a painfully bad accent, to defeat Karate Koopa (who wants to kidnap the gang and sell them as slaves). Meanwhile in the live action, Captain Lou Albano fucks up a line so bad he stops talking for the rest of the episode.
Comedian, prolific Hard Drive writer, and game developer Kyle Erf joins the podcast to discuss the long-awaited ROBO KOOPA, an episode so bizarrely far from its source material, we're not sure if it's actually even parodying RoboCop. Mario and the gang head to RoboLand to help out their good friend, sex robot Bunsen, who the show pretends we all already know. Meanwhile in one of the best ever live action segments, the gang helps Cyndi Lauper track down Captain Lou Albano, who appears to have offed himself.
Mark and Jeremy revisit the famously (FAMOUSLY) lost episode of their podcast, The Fire of Hercufleas. Luckily no technical difficulties stand between the boys and them telling you all about this episode which features an old homey of Toad’s that has found work getting paid to watch fireballs in a test tube. In the live action, Mario and Luigi fucking kill a guy.
Mark and Jeremy finally watch STAR KOOPA live on Twitch with commentary! Why is the show named Star Koopa instead of something better? Why does everyone have pointy lightsabers, including the stormkoopas? Why is Santa Claus in it? Why does Luigi have to give Santa Claus his old boots? Why does Jeremy's voice sound like he's one of those blacked-out anonymous people in a documentary? All this and more... answered in STAR KOOPA!
What's stranger? Live action Mario getting a smelly piece of mail to announce the impending arrival of a bizarrely-cast celebrity guest? Or the fact that they didn’t draw a face on the only new character this episode? Both wrong! King Koopa's got a Nazi armband in this one because apparently that's the only thing from Indiana Jones these writers knew about.
Link turns into a ghost and only Zelda can see him because she's in love with him or some shit holy fuck we talked to BOB FORWARD! Bob, who wrote nearly every single episode of the Zelda cartoon sheds some MAJOR light on the mysteries of this show! We get the origin of "excuse me, princess!" an explanation for why Ganon teleports all the time, and yes UNPROMPTED HORNINESS. The podcast takes one whole step forward and there's no way we're taking two back.
This is the best episode of the podcast we have ever done. Mark and Jeremy don't get past the title card of this week's episode because they fall down a rabbit hole of fascinating Super Mario Bros Super Show lore. And worse, they may have created a villain.
Mario and Luigi have defeated King Koopa once and for all and return to their home, Brooklyn. That's actually the plot of this episode. Did they really murder the giant cosplaying lizard once and for all? Or has he sneaked into the real world himself to conquer it before the brother-plumbers make it back? There's only one way to find out... to the bridge, paisanos!
Podcast Log #803: we were on Twitch doing a livestream of our podcast and we saved the audio to release as this episode! Mario and the crew head to the underwater kingdom of Aqua Land to, I dunno, fight Koopa. There they meet Adolph Uglyface, Princess Toadstool skins a blooper and wears him, and a mermushroom is more mer than mushroom. Meanwhile in the live action, the boys get baseball lessons from none other than Tommy Lasagna.
Warning: today’s episode of The Super Mario Bros Super Show is jam packed with ADULT SITUATIONS. In the live action segment, Luigi takes up French so that he may find a lover and fill the void in his cold, green heart. In the animated mushroom kingdom, Mario and the gang find themselves locked away in a big empty prison after a sham trial finds them guilty of NOT eating pasta. In addition to being a scathing takedown of the American justice system, Koopa also wears some really fun outfits this week!
It's the third-to-last Legend of Zelda episode and the first sentence uttered is, "Boy it sure is hot today, Daddy." Zelda's dad wants to build a royal water park in Hyrule, which is quickly attacked by a bunch of giant water people (and the King immediately thinks it's bullshit). Meanwhile in the live action, the pizza delivery girl tries to fuck Mario. Yep, it's a horny one.
In perhaps the show's first ever effort to ACTUALLY parody the thing the episode is titled after, Mario and Luigi head to the Mushroom Woods to visit Princess Toadstool's sick grandmother. King Koopa quickly gets rid of Gramma so he can wear her clothes and get into her bed, we meet a talking Big Bad Wolf who wears a cape, and Toad wields a fucking axe. Meanwhile in the live action, Luigi practices his British accent in case he ever gets to meet the Queen of England (rude?) and why don't you take a wild guess who shows up to the apartment.
Heather Anne Campbell (How Did This Get Played?, The Twilight Zone) joins Mark and Jeremy in finding out that this episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! is not at all a parody of Planet of the Apes, but is, in fact, a Tarzan thing. It’s weird and dumb and Mario is way too hairy for anyone’s comfort. In the live-action segment, uh, some guy tells Mario that if he is super nice to Luigi for a day he will give him a ring with a chipmunk on it because they’re all in a chipmunk group. Like the Boy Scouts, but with Chipmunks, and possibly sex.
Hi Ho Paisanos! Mark and Jeremy are joined by What A Cartoon! and Talking Simpsons cohosts Bob Mackey and Henry Gilbert to discuss this week’s episode, which finds Mario becoming The Lone Ranger for no discernible reason before rescuing his friends from Billy the Koopa. In the live-action, the boys are tasked with babysitting Mrs. Periwinkle’s pet fish and if you think they don’t murder it and then lie their way into being paid for the job still, we hope you enjoy your first episode of this show!
An episode so good, they made a typo in the title! In today’s very ambitious episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!, Mark and Jeremy get an origin story about Mario and Luigi’s formative years in Basic Draining under the tutelage of Drain Sergeant Kooperman. It’s just like the army. No really, Luigi kills a guy with a bayonet and starts freaking out. I’m just kidding, what actually happens is they save the president using plumbing and he gives them a golden plunger that gets stuck on Koopa’s face real bad later on. Also, in the live action segment, Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev comes over to Brooklyn to make a pizza with the boys and make everyone generally uncomfortable.
Hard Drive editor Kevin Flynn joins Mark and Jeremy to talk about today’s adventure to Sockhop Land, where Koopa the Kool kidnaps Princess Toadstool in an attempt to get her to go steady with him. This, of course, means that Mario and Luigi have to put Elvis’ living, talking shoes onto his feet so that he may become unfrozen. Then everyone has a big nice car race. In the live action segment, Mario and Luigi get out of the plumbing game and relaunch their careers as radio DJs known as The Whispering Plumbers.
We took a break from watching The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! to answer your questions about all sorts of shit! We cover many, many questions about which Mario characters we would like to fuck the most, who we would cast as who, how our lives are going, and more. Plus, we play the legendary clip where Captain Lou Albano says that if you do drugs you will "go to Hell before you die." Happy new year, paisanos!
Today’s animated segment takes place in the Wild Wild West (neither the show nor the movie) and Mark and Jeremy agree that it is an episode of television in which things happen. In the live action segment, Luigi gets zonked on the fuckin’ head and wakes up thinking he’s a game show host. It’s horrifying. Luckily, Mario has legendary game show host Jim Lange’s phone number and he gets him to come do some kind of exorcism. Come for the Mario breakdown, stay for the discussions of soup, Judaism, and the unveiling of Jeremy’s impression that has to be heard to be believed!
Mario and the gang head to Caveman Land in search for Mugga the Medicine Woman and Mario straight up dies in the first five minutes. Luigi then embarks on a Quest for Pizza that involves one of the show's most disgustingly horny moments yet when he has to milk a giant cow dinosaur, who is wearing lipstick and falls in love with him. Meanwhile, in the live action, the brothers discover a priceless painting called 'The Second to Last Supper.' Mark and Jeremy spend over five minutes discussing whether there are more, fewer, or the same amount of volcanoes now as opposed to dinosaur times.
In today’s Legend of Zelda cartoon, Link and Zelda meet, and I’m sorry that I’m not joking about this, a shady merchant named Sleezenose. In the shock of the century, the sword that Sleezenose trades Link (the one that he says will make girls want to kiss him) turns out to be a big ol’ phoney. In the live action segment, Mario and Luigi get a psychic to channel their Grandma Mario (same name!) and Elaine Kagan is so good in the role that Super Mario Brothers Super Show superfan Martin Scorsese put her in Goodfellas.
This episode has it all! And by "it all" we of course mean "very little." Mario and Luigi head to some island because King Koopa (no alter ego) has kidnapped Princess Toadstool and put her on the other side of a big wall. How will Mario and the gang get inside to save the Princess?! Well have you noticed this one's called The Trojan Koopa? In the live action, Mario veteran Norman Fell, famous for his 1-second cameo in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood returns when the brothers strike oil in their potted plant. Also, Mark unveils a new law.
The hilarious Jon Gabrus (High and Mighty, Raised by TV, a buncha other stuff) joins the boys to discuss this truly batshit tale of George Washingtoad and his battle against the Koopish Army. Luckily Mario and Luigi show up and are able to help GW and his crew cross the Delawide River. That’s right, if you like living in America, you can thank Mario and Luigi (and to a lesser extent Toad). In the live action segment, Obi Wan Cannoli (character unrelated to Star Wars in any way) shows up just in time to stop a rival plumber named Tulio from beating up Mario. Just like in the games!
In one of their laziest naming conventions yet, Mario and the gang head to El Desert Land to seek out the legendary masked hero known as Zero. What's he gonna do to help? I dunno, I guess get immediately captured by El Koopitan and his crew of ne'er-do-wells. Meanwhile, in the longest live action segment to date, Inspector Clean shows up and he's pissed off because he hasn't evicted any old ladies in a while. His words, not ours.
Matthew Mercer (Critical Role, every video game) joins Mark and Jeremy to discuss this preposterous episode that was originally conceived as a King Tut thing and then evolved into a Ten Commandments thing somewhere along the way. That means for every Koop Tut you also get a Red Sauce Sea being parted. It’s completely ridiculous and it’s also somehow less bizarre than this week’s live action segment, wherein Vincent Van Gogh shows up at Mario and Luigi’s apartment to try to hustle them.
Some very vile vires vie for the triforce in this vexatious episode of the Legend of Zelda cartoon! Also they dang broked it up into three pieces with a hammer or some shit. Mark and Jeremy experiment with waiting a few days after watching the ep to record the pod and end up going on long tangents about the 1960s Batman show. Meanwhile, INSPECTOR FRIGGIN GADGET shows up, played by Maurice LaMarche himself! This episode is actually pretty cool, you should listen to it.
Hey homeboys and homegirls, it’s a hip hop themed episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! They uh, they rap. The whole thing. Everyone raps it. It’s uh ... well, they rap. Mark and Jeremy enlist the help of fellow Hard Drive editor and hip hop superfan Andy Holt to make heads or tails out of this trip to Rap Land. Is it hot fire? Is it that wack shit? Sergeant Slaughter makes his long awaited return to the basement in the live action segment if THAT tells you anything!
The prophecy is complete: Vinesauce's Vinny joins the podcast to discuss Mario and the gang's descent into Crime Land (in the midst of the city's worst crime wave ever, thanks to Al Koopone!!). In the live action segment, Mario is turning the basement into a bed and breakfast and he's convincing people to sleep over by saying that George Washington did so himself, once. Too bad Washington's ghost shows up and immediately enlists Mario and Luigi into the army during a dream sequence (??) explaining that they will very likely die as a result. This is one of the most fun episodes we have watched in months!
It's October and you know what that means, Hallowe—Christmas episode? Really? Alrighty, then. King Koopa has kidnapped Santa Claus, frozen all the elves, and is generally wreaking havoc on the North Pole. Good thing Mario and the gang took a wrong turn on their way to Hawaii Land and are here to save the day! In the live action, a young boy stops by because he ran away from home to teach his parents a lesson about not loving him enough and we get a whole darn flashback showing us the time Young Mario did that and everyone was happy about it. We discuss Christmas, the fact that the Mario show seemingly wrote every episode as fast as possible so as to premiere them all before it stopped being the '80s, and the time Mark played guitar with The Ataris!
Today’s live-action segment of The Super Mario Bros Super Show is so obscure that the best version we could track down is a subtitled Swedish video. As best as we can tell, Madonna’s car breaks down outside of Mario and Luigi’s apartment and she comes in to use their phone and bites a magic apple and falls in love with Mario and then does the exact same thing with Luigi. Oh wait sorry, it’s Mad Donna. She just looks like Madonna is the thing. Our mistake.
Uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The Super Mario Bros. Super Show does a racist one. Mario and Luigi head to the city of Sayonara to stop Koopzilla who became the size of a building due to eating Super Sushi. In the live action, a fortune teller does schtick and the show literally inserts seven rimshots into the audio. Mark and Jeremy dissect and discuss this troubling episode in an otherwise 100% flawless run of extremely important television.
Haha yes they do the WHOLE Irish thing. In today’s goddamn episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, there’s some leprechaun who's having bad luck because his pot of gold coins was stolen by Koopa. So everyone drinks green beer and follows a rainbow and eats cabbage and all of that shit. In the live action segment, a self proclaimed teenage heartthrob seeks solace from his maniacal fans in the confines of Mario Bros Plumbing. Mark and Jeremy discuss the legend of Mr. Belvedere and his infamous sitting on his own balls incident at great length, and eventually seek outside perspective to help decipher the ramifications of this all.
The great Gene Park from the Washington Post joins us on our trip to Ocean World to discuss the Super Show's parody of pretty much any famous story involving boats! Kooptain Nemo and his evil bloopers have arrived to defeat a metallic sea monster wreaking havoc on town even though it was very obviously created by Koopa. Meanwhile in the live action, the Mario Brothers are perplexed after meeting their FOURTH vampire. How the hell do these guys keep not knowing what a vampire is?! Every goddamn person they meet is a vampire!
The Super Show makes some wild choices with this Robin Hood themed episode, most notably transforming the legendary hero into a bird that does impressions. Mark and Jeremy enjoy Hooded Robin and the gang’s adventures trying to thwart the Sheriff of Koopingham or steal their coins back or whatever’s going on. In the live action portion of the episode, Luigi eats some bad sauce and starts sprouting vegetables, prompting Mario to call over a farmer’s son who later grows up to be a television mogul. Leapin’ Linguini this is a weird one!
This is one of the best episodes of the podcast ever. Mark and Jeremy lose their goddamn minds watching a truly awful episode of the Legend of Zelda in which Ganon drags all of Hyrule into the ground using a giant magnet and a Dog Man. In the live action, Mario and Luigi sing with a Little Richard parody named Little Robert in a segment we will have to sit through again in a few months because they used the exact same one twice. The boys talk Insane Clown Posse, the awfulness of HBO's hit 2012 show The Newsroom, and whether or not everything is OK.
Mark and Jeremy agree to agree that this episode of The Super Mario Bros Super Show kind of sucks. That, however, doesn’t stop them from having fun digging into this week’s very strange take on Hawaiian culture! Koopa impersonates a fire god and tells the townsfolk of Waki-Waki to chuck Princess Toadstool into a volcano, and so they chuck Princess Toadstool into a volcano. In the live action segment, a traveling hustler named Anjelica sells Luigi a watch that makes him do everything backwards. Stupid pretty it’s! Along the way, the boys discuss water cooler culture, whether or not this is all a dream, and the show’s first ever LVP award is bestowed. Bridge the to!
Suprise: this episode is dumb and bizarre! Mario and the gang find themselves in the story of Romeo and Juliet — er, I mean Romano and Joliet — and King Koopa's pulling the strings in an actual arms race between the two warring families. Meanwhile, in the live action, some guy name Pietro shows up to announce that he's the long lost third Mario brother (and that he wants to sell the family business!) Is he the real deal? Find out in the section that the show titled "Fake Bro." Plus, we talk trampolines, our favorite skydiving movies, and the fact that no matter where Mario and Luigi wind up, every single side character sounds like some Italian lady from The Bronx.
In the live action segment of today’s Super Mario Bros Super Show!, Susanna Ross (Yes, THAT Susanna Ross, the one they made up for this episode) has ditched her backup singers and knows just the plumbers she wants to replace them with. It’s Mario and Luigi! If you think this episode doesn’t end with them singing ‘Baby Love,’ in the basement dressed like Diana Ross & The Supremes, well then I have got something shocking to tell you.
Oh shit a BONUS EPISODE?! That's right folks, we took a look at a rare 1989 live action segment from the Korean version of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! In order to air the show in Korea with the dubbed animated segments, Mario and his brother... Marigi... were recasted by Korean actors doing whole new storylines. The boys get into some trouble when Mario literally stops time in order to steal a little girl's ice cream and also they make a terrible belabored noodles pun because Pasta Power is a religion that crosses all borders and cultures. Is there a word for Paisano in Korean or is it universal to all tongues?
"Names Mario. Mario Mario." That's right, we got a JAMES BOND parody on our hands! Secret agents Mario and Luigi battle against the evil Koopfinger in Spy Land after James BLOND (why?) is turned to stone. The brothers are armed with nothing but their wits, fancy suits, and holy shit is that a GUN?! Meanwhile, in perhaps the show's best live action segment ever, '9001: A Mario Odyssey,' Mario and Luigi get a visit from a programmer named Albert Einstein (why?) who installs a computer named HAL 9001 that exclusively makes pizzas... until it turns on them... and makes those pizzas.... a little bit wrong.
It’s time for another animated Zelda episode! You know what that means, right? Yes, that’s right, Link is super horny! Like, hornier than we’ve ever seen him. In between the bits where he’s trying to kiss Zelda there’s some story about Gannon kidnapping the king using a unicorn he stole from a girl named Sing. That’s right, they named the character Sing in order to suit this episode title, which still doesn’t make any sense. She’s not out here campaigning for the unicorn or anything. In the live action Mario, sitcom veteran Norman Fell plays Fred Van Winkle (Rip’s brother, DUH) who awakens from an 80 year slumber to discover that nothing in this world makes sense and decides to go back to sleep until it does. We have bad news for you, Fred.
Mario and the gang are in PASTA LAND!!!! They've finally reached the Mecca of pasta-based religion and get to hang out in a place where the trees are forks and the leaves are spaghetti. It's truly a paradise for our linguine-loving lads, until, of course, the big bad King Koopa steals all the children! In the live action, Mario and Luigi's plant turn into an evil plant man and—wait holy shit, is that Patrick Dempsey?! Oh my god I think that's Patrick Dempsey. No, no... it can't be him. Oh my god I think it's him and maybe he was a production manager for every single episode?? Is that even possible?! WE INVESTIGATE!
Today’s episode makes a whole bunch of no sense. Mario and Luigi go fishing, even though they have plans to go to the big plumber’s hoedown later that night. All the prettiest girls in Brooklyn will be there, you see. As soon as they leave, their apartment is invaded by their southern cousins, Mario Joe and Luigi Bob. You’re probably not going to believe this, but in the four minutes that they’re house sitting for the boys, Donna Douglas from The Beverly Hillbillies shows up. What are the odds?! In the animated segment, Princess Toadstool agrees to marry Koopa in the hopes that he will turn a bunch of toad people back from the rocks he turned them into earlier. This being Koop’s big day, we also get to meet his mother! In addition to trying to make sense of all this, Mark and Jeremy also learn about something called Rock Lords and realize that deep down we all just want to fuck Toad.
The great Ashley Oh from The Polygon Show joins the pasta paisanos to discuss this intricately plotted homage to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s masterpiece Herlock Solmes. Professor Kooparity has enslaved Princess Toadstool’s people (?) so they need the help of the world’s greatest detective (??) to free them by insulting Koopa for holding the world record for failing kindergarten the most times (???). In the live action, Mario and Luigi win the award for Plumber of the Year, which is most certainly a result of them being the only plumbers left in a post-apocalyptic Brooklyn. I know we say this a lot, but this episode of the Super Show is so fucking weird and funny.
After a freak accident in the Kingdom of Youth turns Princess Toadstool into an infant, Mario, Luigi, and Toad all learn the very obvious lesson that they are in no way equipped to care for a child. Yep, this one's a parody of hit 1987 film Three Men and a Baby! The episode’s setting inspires Mark and Jeremy to ponder life, death, and whether or not they’d be able to convince people they were from 2019 if they ever traveled through time. They also agree that this episode is an important piece of Mario history, as they're pretty sure this is the first time we see one of the main Mario cast members hanging out in baby form. Oh, and in the live action, some girl’s dog is missing.
YouTube all-star Jirard Khalil (The Completionist) joins us to discuss another legendary Legend of Zelda episode! Ganon sets off an evil plan to trick Link into turning into a frog by rescuing a woman and kissing her, even though she’s actually a mummy. That’s the actual premise of this episode and it’s not even the silliest part! Plus, in the live action, Elvira, Mistress of the Dark shows up to mostly insult Luigi after Mario turns HIM into a mummy. Lots of mummy-related hijinks in this absolutely out of control episode!
“Hey, did we do pirates yet?” he asked the room full of Mario writers, to no response. “Fuck it." And with that, today’s episode of The Super Mario Bros Super Show was born. On today’s program, Magic Johnson returns for the first ever repeat celebrity cameo and it’s exactly as awkward as his first appearance, most likely due to both of these segments clearly being filmed in the same hurried afternoon. This one has something to do with a trophy. It’s honestly hard to tell. And then on the animated high seas of Pirate World, we are treated to a buckswashlin’ adventure that introduces fun characters like Captain Clump, Patches the Parrot, Blackbeard Koopa, and two very familiar looking pirates named Captain Kidder and Long John Spaghetti, who this insentient paragraph of text suspects is actually the Mario Brothers in disguise. What is it like to love?
Woolie Madden (Castle Super Beast, Woolie Versus) joins us to discuss Mario and the gang's descent into the dark and spooky TURTLEVANIA! King Koopula and his tomato sauce-sucking vampires chase after Mario and Luigi set to an inexplicable cover of Michael Jackson's Thriller. Did they even get the rights to that or did they just shrug and say "fuck it"? In the live action, Luigi learns how to make objects disappear from the help of famous(?) magician Harry Blackstone Jr, but accidentally uses his mastery of the dark arts to make his own brother Mario leave this plane of existence. When Mario's soul left his body, was he in Hell? Oh also we fan-cast a reboot of the Mario Show and wonder what it would be like if Dave Bautista and Daniel Day-Lewis played Mario and Luigi in 2019! Cool!
Comedian and writer MIKE DRUCKER (Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, The Tonight Show, a billion other things) joins us for a very special episode where we break all the rules we made up and reach ahead to an episode of the Super Mario Bros 3 cartoon. And if that’s a problem, you need to Blame It On the Rain because this episode rules. King Koopa kidnaps legendary German R&B group Milli Vanilli right out of their big Shea Stadium gig to try and get his niece to stop complaining. One problem though! Koopa kidnapped Princess Toadstool’s all time favorite band and there’s NO WAY Mario and company will let this stand. This cartoon is ridiculous and surely would’ve been Milli Vanilli’s undoing if they hadn’t been outed as frauds mere weeks before this episode’s original air date.
My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land. But most of all, I remember the Toad Warrior. The man we called "Toad." To understand who he was, you have to go back to another time, when the world was powered by the red fuel. The gangs took over the highways, ready to wage war for a jar of spaghetti sauce. One man became the world’s final hope. This episode is so good. In the live action, Mario goes on a date with either a robot or an alien or something, it’s really unclear. Who cares though? Fucking Toad Warrior. LONG LIVE THE TOAD WARRIOR.
Didn’t like the finale of Game of Thrones last night? Well check out the Game of Thrones of 1989… the Legend of Zelda cartoon! This episode, Link gets cucked hard by the gorgeous Prince Facade, who seems super cool and there’s definitely nothing weird about him. Prince Facade. Just an all around great dude. In the live action, Moon Zappa stops by and, even though she’s credited as “herself,” she inexplicably plays a character named Marilyn. Oh yeah, also Mark and Jeremy formulate a very compelling theory that the show takes place in an apocalyptic wasteland. Another 10/10 perfect episode of the Mario show!
A trend continues this week, as the boys discover a new favorite episode. In the live action bullshit, Cher comes over and then Mario accidentally switches bodies with her dog, prompting Mark and Jeremy to discuss a lot of dog related topics, including what dogs go to college for and whether or not there is a man trapped in Air Bud’s body crying for help. Over in the animated Mushroom Kingdom, Koopa is some weird Genghis Kahn/Santa Claus hybrid this week and the boys bump into legendary Brooklyn plumber Salvador Drainado, which makes them think long and hard about going back to New York City and leaving all this madness behind. Do the show’s final 51 episodes take place in a lonely Brooklyn apartment, or do our heroes have a change of heart? You’ll have to tune in to find out!
This episode is a doozy! Mario gets his brother Luigi break dancing lessons from the legendary(?) Shabba Doo, star of Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2: Electric Buggaloo. And in the cartoon, the gang gets lost in the Amazon, where King Koopa (regrettably named Native Koopa in this one) attacks them with itching powder, they meet a strange witch doctor, and everyone pretends a character named Butterfingers has been their friend all along. This episode is mostly filler and so Mark and Jeremy get pretty darn silly.
Mario and the gang go on a space odyssey, as they crash land on a Mars-like planet and wind up as members of Moonman Koopa’s intergalactic chain gang alongside a double snouted alien race known as the Quirks. Mark and Jeremy concur that this is a fantastic episode, and are so inspired that a couple of new catch phrases are coined, making this a sure to be historic episode. Meanwhile back in Brooklyn, our live action brothers are worried that their new friend Ratigator is in danger of being hunted by their even newer friend, Alligator Dundee. Yes, this is the second Crocodile Dundee goof featured on the show in the last four episodes. We’re pretty sure they’re done after this one.
There’s a bounty on Toad’s head after he owes a fryguy 60 gold coins so Mario and Luigi enter into a Mad Max: Fury Road style BMX race through the desert to win his freedom. They might even win the dang thing too, if they aren’t foiled by that stinkin’ King Koopa! In the live action, Mario and Luigi are visited by their mother, Mama Mario, played by Captain Lou himself and she’s a big ole meanie. This episode kicks so much ass, though. At one point, Mario yells “HEY SLEEZOS, EAT DUST!” and does a donut with his tandem bicycle. I mean holy shit, you just gotta watch it.
